love on hold...

not being able to call him has turned part of my world temporarily upside down, well lets just say that now i've narrowed it down to sunday and monday. next week will be a month since you've been gone. i still cant' believe its been that long..it feels like everyday has been draggin. my world is full of uncertainty...not knowing how you are, when you'll come back, when you'll write again, needless to say where u are. it's weird adapting to this kind of one sided communication. i write to you , knowing that you'll b reading my emails...but not receiving anything in return...hoping to get some news from you.

i still cant' fathom how military wives do this for longer periods of time. i think that maybe i'm not as strong as i thought i was...maybe those women were born with something that i dont have...that i cant picture living a life or years of this back and forth , and not being able to speak toyou for months at a time. its surreal...its like a break up without the break up...the heartache is there, the longing, the wanting to call but not being able to, the looking at the pics and wanting to destroy them at times just to not remember how much i want to hear your voice, waking up and hoping today will b the day i get word you're coming back sooner than i thought. or simply hoping tonight is the night i'll b able to fall asleep before 2 am. my days are okay , they're perfectly normal...but the nights i wish never came, bc w night fall comes millions thoughts of you...tossing and turning in bed wishing God would sprinkle some drowsiness on me so that i can finally sleep. finally get a good nights sleep like when u were around.

i hope this makes me a better person...i know its def'ly making you a more succesful person. only time will tell...