your day to day routine can easily distract you. weeks may go by where you forget about the thing you were trying to forget. and then somehow you are reminded...a smell, a car, a song. Incredible how your mind then brings back all the things it had been doing such a good job of repressing. 

then the awkward moment that deals with nothing of the emotional part of a breakup...the things you owe, the objects to give back, the custody of friends and sometimes even the resentment on the person because they're life may just be getting better...while yours may be staying the same. the selfish parts are the hardest to deal with because you know that in the end you'd only want the best for them. just waiting on the day that none of these things matter and they'll just be a distant, beautiful memory in the previous chapters of your life.

indifference

my eyes are no longer acknowledged..maybe to prevent from falling back into the abyss of my soul
or is it to make sure i feel the sting of his indifference
either way it worked.

1 week

day one was reality check as it always is. the rest of the week was followed by unexpected events. the passing of an acquaintance, happy hour buddy was tough news to swallow. someone that you just spend time with joking around with now gone at such a young age. it made me want to call the people that i love and let them know how i feel. but i didnt call you because i knew it wouldnt be right...and life is just that, full of unexpected events. so i have to get used to not calling you every time something like this happens. Get used hoping that you are okay without wanting to ask.

yesterday was a you day...in my head all day and i think i did a great job of not calling or trying to let go. but still your thoughts invaded my day. i know this is just the beginning of a tough, long rode ahead. i just pray that i dont run into you in any place that may cause me to be weak. as much as i love you i wish you werent just 5 minutes away. for the first time i wish you were somewhere under the ocean, far from anything and anyone that may connect you to me.