Tell me where you get your body from...

Body image..where does it come from? why is it so important? why do people around us judge us or criticize us by it? why has it become so important that it leads young girls to obsession and downfall...

i have always been a pretty athletic person, growing up i was a swimmer and have always loved lifting weights. its not so easy for me to get to the gym bc like most of us i'm lazy, i hate working out in the winter. i prefer to run in the park in the spring and summer and enjoy my surroundings. even so when i gain weight and my belly is hanging out my pants lol i'm pretty ok with it. there were times in my past when i was extremely thin and back then i was not always happy, it's weird bc usually its the opposite. but i grew in the dominican republic and even here in new york have always been surrounded by thick women. my mom has an amazing body small waist, huge butt...you know the body men go crazy for. i say that bc women always find a flaw..while some men just love the thickness of spanish women. so growing up i always admired the booty lol and growing up i always wanted to have a huge booty like my mom. but i dont and that is ok with me too. i have come to accept that we have different frames and as long as i am in the shape my mom is in when i'm 50 i'll be satisfied.

but growing up it wasnt always happy with everything, i'm bowlegged so people always found a way to make me feel bad, and i'm not talking about just kids. people would say oh you're so pretty or you have such nice eyes too bad you're bowlegged. so i was ashamed to wear shorts or skirts, funny right considering i had to wear a bathing suit for swimming. but i guess bc swimming was more about my skills and winning the competitions people werent so consumed with body image. when i was 13 or 14 my mom wanted to buy me a pair of capris, they were "in style" but i hated the thought of pants that would show my bowlegs. either way she made me wear them and made sure i understood i had nice legs and i shouldnt let anyone tell me otherwise. after that day i was ok with wearing capris and skirts that she bought. She always bought me the hottest outfits, in a way she was reinforcing my body image and making sure i understood that i could look nice in anything, what mattered was how i carried myself.

now i'm 26 and although my parents always make it a point to comment on anything i wear or remind me that i look nice, one thing has changed...now my mom does remind me here and there you have to go the gym..she'll look at my belly fat and say you hav to do some abs lol. so i look at her and say " i really dont care." where along the way did she become the person that would tell me when i need to go to the gym? why is that now although i still dress well and appropriately and carry myself with confidence she feels the need to grab my belly and tell me wat should or shouldnt be important to MY image.

i have a younger cousin that's 18 and has an AMAZING little body. she's short but has a little athletic body ever since she was a toddler lol. she has never played sports or gone to the gym and yet manages to look as if she does. she doesnt have a six pack but i'm sure if she did a few abs here and there she'd have a six pack in no time. now her mom has made it a point to remind her that she is "wide" and she has "gained weight" and that she needs to work out. i' of course am angered by all this. when did spanish women become so damn obsessed with being thin? yes the media fills our eyes with images of crackhead looking models and celebrities but that to me is not attractive. and that for the most part is not the image of a dominican or spanish woman. we have curves, butts, hips and we embrace that or we used to. so now she is constantly talking about losing weight and goin on diets, when in reality if she did start losing weight she'll probably start to look sickly.

how could my aunt not realize that body image and low self esteem and weight obsession is a huge problem for women, especially young girls that have yet to learn the things older women hav learned through experience. everytime she tells her.. she's fatt or watever she's helping that negative image my cousin has of herself. now everytime she looks at herself in the mirror she'll think i'm fat instead of i look amazing. i mean so much repetition really starts to make you believe something that in fact may not be true. more importantly parent have to understand they have such a strong influence in how we see ourselves and how much we blieve in ourselves. they shape our minds and our images from day 1. i kno alot of people that dont feel as confident or beautiful bc they're parents never said those nice things to them not one day of their lives...so how culd they believe it of themselves if those important people didnt make it a point to give them that positive reinforcemnt.

i've made it a point to remind her that she's great the way she is and if she wants to get in shape that's different, if she feels like she needs to be more active just to be healthier tha's ok too. i mean as a college student and someone that works you do need more energy to get thru your day and being more active definitely helps that. but it shouldnt be something where she is constantly worrying about diets and losing pounds. bc its important for her to see herself as a beautiful young woman, so that no man or woman can come into her life and put her down. i think body and self image has the power to break you down and build you up. and right now i guess its my job to build her up and remind her that people will always criticize you and tell you you're ugly, flat or too skinny, or you have a weird patch of skin or anything else retarded and irrelevant they may feel they have to say about you. but YOU have to look at yourself and be able to block all that negativity and say "I'm still beautiful no matter what anyone says and i am happy with what i have been blessed with".

so to all my friends..look at yourselves and appreciate the bodies and minds you have bc you are all beautiful. and if you truly arent happy with yourself then yes go ahead and make some revisions, but dont do it for the wrong reasons. do it bc you want to be healthier, happier, feel better, be more confident...not bc a man or woman told you, you arent what they think you should be.

time travel

As you travel thru time I travel thru time..back and forth...back and forth
From the past to the present
From the present to the future and right back to the past
Except i dont time travel in a time capsule...time machine..
I travel in my mind machine
She travels to the places i miss and the times i cherish
She travels to the future...
the ideal future, the logical future,
the fairy tale future
But my time machine travels right back to the present
Because the future is only a result of my present action
influenced by my past lessons learned.
Maybe our mind machines are meant to travel thru time
until our minds find the perfect time to stand still in.

Middel child...to only child?

i came into this world and grew up in this world with 2.5 brothers. i say 2.5 because i have an older and younger, and a half older brother from my dad's side. Although my 2 older brothers and i were sort of raised together for the earlier part of our childhood in DR, we sort of lost track of JC (.5 brother) once we moved to NY. Sometimes i forget we have another brother that still lives in DR and that i see every couple of years when i visit DR. there is something about it that is not the same of course. Maybe bc we dont interact everyday the ties tend to be not as close. Either way he's my brother and i love him as such and i'm glad to see him happy. last year we attended his wedding and it was really nice and my sister in law is probably the coolest sister in law i'll have, lets face it lol.

Growing up my older brother and i were really close, always hung out together, whereever he was there i was too. The funny thing is that when my younger brother came along they fought almost everyday, except when they were both ganging up on me. So you can say that i was close to both of them. now the younger as most younger sibblings are could be the biggest pain in the *ss, but when it came time to protecting and shielding him from the cruelties of the world we'd all come together like no other force.

As we got older i felt the bond became tighter bc we'd all hang out w each others friends. after you pass that teenage age when you dont want your sibblings around its all pretty cool. parties and bbqs and trips sharing the friendships we most valued. i've always been protective of my brother's in the sense that i really have to get to know the women in their lives before i can trust them w their hearts. on the other hand i think my bro's have assumed that i have never needed protection that i can handle all things on my own, which is 90% true. in my 20's i have always wanted my bro's around and some friends always commented on how they wish they had bonds like the ones i have w my bro's. but lately it doesnt feel that way.

i have a business w my older brother which we knew from the start would be a difficult task. working with family is NOT EASY! its been almost 3 years and i hav to say that as great as it is to have someone with his knowledge to work along side with...there are things that get lost along the way. i cant remember the last time i had a real converstion with my brother not work related. there are times i almost feel uncomfortable aroud him, as if he were a stranger. our communication has been minimized to emails and 2 min calls about the spa. ive never felt more alone in the business. sometimes i feel like bc i'm his sister he takes me for granted, like he knows i wont let the business fall apart bc of this, yet i wonder what he would miss more the business or me?

my bond with my younger bro has also diminished...he's stayed stuck in the teenage attitude phase. there isnt much that seems to make him happy and he usually has an attitude with everyone. sometimes you wonder how can someone use up so much energy on being mad or drama driven. his life revolves around his girl, which is cool i guess. but not when that is the sole reason of his happiness.

ive been thinking about this alot bc i never thought that with age your bonds would get distant, i felt that they would get stronger. but now i'm realizing it isnt so. as your brothers grow up and try to find their paths, and women come in their lives they kind of replace something within the family. i dont know i just feel like that part of their lives becomes way more important than the family life. i dont know if i'm being harsh but i ve heard from other sources that the distancing is inevitable. somehow the bonds fall apart...and ive started to feel more like an only child vs a middle child. my parents mean the world to me and lately ive learned to appreciate them more bc i see more their suffering, their worries. i have a lot of friends but friendships never feel the void of a brother or sister.

i find myself asking is it really inevitable for us to distance ourselves from each other or is just that we feel less and less like makin the effort, or is it really that as you grow up you grow further apart and creating your future family becomes more important that maintaining the one you grew up with?

i'd love to hear the feedback from those that have sibblings bc right now i'm really saddened at the thought that i may jus hav to get used to a superficial interaction with the few important men in my life. brotherless...bondless...would that really make me an only child? :/