Middel child...to only child?

i came into this world and grew up in this world with 2.5 brothers. i say 2.5 because i have an older and younger, and a half older brother from my dad's side. Although my 2 older brothers and i were sort of raised together for the earlier part of our childhood in DR, we sort of lost track of JC (.5 brother) once we moved to NY. Sometimes i forget we have another brother that still lives in DR and that i see every couple of years when i visit DR. there is something about it that is not the same of course. Maybe bc we dont interact everyday the ties tend to be not as close. Either way he's my brother and i love him as such and i'm glad to see him happy. last year we attended his wedding and it was really nice and my sister in law is probably the coolest sister in law i'll have, lets face it lol.

Growing up my older brother and i were really close, always hung out together, whereever he was there i was too. The funny thing is that when my younger brother came along they fought almost everyday, except when they were both ganging up on me. So you can say that i was close to both of them. now the younger as most younger sibblings are could be the biggest pain in the *ss, but when it came time to protecting and shielding him from the cruelties of the world we'd all come together like no other force.

As we got older i felt the bond became tighter bc we'd all hang out w each others friends. after you pass that teenage age when you dont want your sibblings around its all pretty cool. parties and bbqs and trips sharing the friendships we most valued. i've always been protective of my brother's in the sense that i really have to get to know the women in their lives before i can trust them w their hearts. on the other hand i think my bro's have assumed that i have never needed protection that i can handle all things on my own, which is 90% true. in my 20's i have always wanted my bro's around and some friends always commented on how they wish they had bonds like the ones i have w my bro's. but lately it doesnt feel that way.

i have a business w my older brother which we knew from the start would be a difficult task. working with family is NOT EASY! its been almost 3 years and i hav to say that as great as it is to have someone with his knowledge to work along side with...there are things that get lost along the way. i cant remember the last time i had a real converstion with my brother not work related. there are times i almost feel uncomfortable aroud him, as if he were a stranger. our communication has been minimized to emails and 2 min calls about the spa. ive never felt more alone in the business. sometimes i feel like bc i'm his sister he takes me for granted, like he knows i wont let the business fall apart bc of this, yet i wonder what he would miss more the business or me?

my bond with my younger bro has also diminished...he's stayed stuck in the teenage attitude phase. there isnt much that seems to make him happy and he usually has an attitude with everyone. sometimes you wonder how can someone use up so much energy on being mad or drama driven. his life revolves around his girl, which is cool i guess. but not when that is the sole reason of his happiness.

ive been thinking about this alot bc i never thought that with age your bonds would get distant, i felt that they would get stronger. but now i'm realizing it isnt so. as your brothers grow up and try to find their paths, and women come in their lives they kind of replace something within the family. i dont know i just feel like that part of their lives becomes way more important than the family life. i dont know if i'm being harsh but i ve heard from other sources that the distancing is inevitable. somehow the bonds fall apart...and ive started to feel more like an only child vs a middle child. my parents mean the world to me and lately ive learned to appreciate them more bc i see more their suffering, their worries. i have a lot of friends but friendships never feel the void of a brother or sister.

i find myself asking is it really inevitable for us to distance ourselves from each other or is just that we feel less and less like makin the effort, or is it really that as you grow up you grow further apart and creating your future family becomes more important that maintaining the one you grew up with?

i'd love to hear the feedback from those that have sibblings bc right now i'm really saddened at the thought that i may jus hav to get used to a superficial interaction with the few important men in my life. brotherless...bondless...would that really make me an only child? :/