Ya...era hora

It's been a minute..but my mind needs a rest...these days i feel more like Nikki and her insomnia problems...than like my regular lost self. I dont know if its the routine thas' finally gettin to me or the uncertainties of taking a risk... living and standing by my choices..or the constant thought that no matter which way i put it...i just cant change some situations...its either i like the color red or like the color red..

The past 2 weeks have been full of restless nights...can't seem to reconcile with sleep and when i do i wake up abruptly throughout the nite as if some kind of spirits are tormenting me..or could it be jus the spirit of my decision laying with me beggin me to rethink things...or jus simply asking "are you sure this it? " either way somethings got to give...i go to bed late and wake up jus on time..but exhausted , i cant possibly have the energy to start a positive day feelin like i ran a marathon and was beatin in sleep.

so everyday those thoughts pop bak in my mind..wat am i doin? is it the right thing? or am i jus avoiding the reality? but i read somewhere that you're not living until you start takings risks and sometimes its best to have some balls than be a coward and live regreting wat i could of done and didnt.

maybe i wasnt blessed with enough patience and my heart has become more difficult of a place to find...maybe its just a place where i can tap in momentarily for a quick fix of pain, love and emotion and then as soon as it gives too much it goes into some sort of drought. i dont think any of this is making any sense anymore. i want to live the present but the present wont let me live it meanwhile. the future keeps nagging me and the past, its just sitting bak, observing and waiting for my next move. Its a major tug of war...in the end i jus hope i come out alive...